The sun was setting over the city in all its blood-red glory. It was the time when crows began circling the skies and mimicking eagles. The sky was lit with blood as the sunset began and Suja was beside herself with worry. Gayathri, her seven year-old daughter, hadn’t returned back from her school. It should have been over almost three hours ago, in the afternoon. The postman had come and gone a long time back. Pacing up and down the living room, she thought of the options she could take. She felt very helpless then.
She had called up the school authorities as soon as she realized that Gayathri was late in coming than usual. Unfortunately, they did nothing to help other than confirm the fact that Gayathri’s school-bus had left on time, along with all the other school buses. Immediately after, she had called up one of Gayathri’s close friends’ mother and enquired about the children.
Her heart had turned cold when she found out that Raj had already reached home some time back. Hurrying down the stairs of the chawl, she had then gone and asked around whether Gayathri’s yellow-red bus had come or not. To her horror, it had and she found out that it had just passed by, not stopping. An old lady who always sat on one of the many benches there had told her this.
She had gone up to her room in a daze after that. She began to distract herself, trying to make dinner and arranging the utensils in their proper place. As she was about to place the frying pan on the stove, she heard the doorbell ring. Her heartbeat accelerated like that of a galloping horse. Hopes raised high, she almost ran to the door. Her hopeful face fell as she stared at Raghav. The drunk excuse of a husband.
Whatever state he might be in, he must listen to me today. With feeble determination in her heart, she went over to him.
“Raghu?”
“Raghav?”
“Hmm?”
“Raghu, Gayathri has not returned yet from school.”
There was no response from her husband, who it seemed had come back home freshly-drunk.
“Raghu, Gayathri has not returned yet from the school. It has been almost four hours since her school closed. I am very worried!” Tears wouldn’t help her now, she thought with steel in her mind.
There came a silence then that lasted for quite some time. Suja was used to his drunken meditation-pose, but right now, it was all could do to not shake him up from the stupor he had fallen in. Irritated with herself at going to him when he was in such a state, she cursed herself and went back to the kitchen.
Not before long, she heard mumblings from the living room. She came out, the rolling pin in her hand.
“Raghu, what happened?”
“Suja, my darling. Come to bed with me. I love you.”
She shook her head, irritated. Men, especially bastard men like her husband, only wanted two things in life from their wives: hot food and sex. Normally, they’d prefer sex after the food.
“Raghu, Gayathri!! What about her? Where is she? Do something, find her!”
Her whimpers fell to a deaf ear as he got up from the chair. He opened the bathroom door and went inside. Suja sighed in frustration. Her husband was totally useless, just like any other man who was drunk right then. Even when Gayathri was born, he didn’t practice enough to hide his distaste for
the fact that a girl was born. But then, she herself had been born into a family in which she was the youngest child and the only daughter of the nine. Her childhood was not for children.
It was almost 7 o’ clock now. She was about to leave the house with all intentions of finding Gayathri and bringing her back safely. Then, the landline rang. She hurried into the bedroom to pick it up, but her husband had beaten her to it. Irritated that his sleep had been disrupted, he grumbled something inaudible and picked up the phone.
Suja would remember what would happen next for as long as she would live. It would be with unspeakable horror though. Her face turned into one of disgust and horror as the person she thought was her husband talked with the people she assumed were calling for ransom. It was yet to sink in; it would take time to sink in.
Then, she heard the words coming from her husband’s mouth and she ran towards him to snatch the phone out of his cursed hands. The very hands that had picked up the telephone. She ran towards him. He saw her coming and anger clouded the features of his once-handsome face as with one heavy slap, he sent her sprawling on the floor.
White light and stars appeared momentarily in front of her. She was in a daze. Tears continued to spill out helplessly. All this while, Raghav continued to communicate with the kidnappers. Only that it wasn’t anything like communication. He told them how the girl child was a curse, that he never wanted Gayathri and still doesn’t. His maniac laugh suppressed her sobs as he directly refused to pay the required ransom of sixty thousand rupees. Suja stared at the person she thought was her husband in utter disbelief and disgust. It was yet to sink in; it would take time to sink in. The final blow came when he casually asked them to keep her for a few days and see how tiresome and useless having a girl was.
She couldn’t bear it anymore. Still crying and uttering her daughter’s name over and over again, she passed out. Suja woke up when she felt a sharp jab in her belly. Her first thought was for her daughter as she remembered what had occurred earlier. Having no more tears to spill, she turned her full
attention to the creature she hated the most.
Her husband was thrusting himself into her, not caring whether she was awake or no, let alone hurt. Bile formed up in her mouth, but she refused to give him the satisfaction of disgust. All this while, he continued to do what he was doing with occasional grunts.
It would come to pass. Just like it had each time. She closed her eyes.
Hey Ganesha, what had happened to Gayathri?
The next morning brought along with it headaches and hangovers for some, while for others, morning activities beckoned. The chawl came alive. The wives came down to fill up water for their daily chores. There was a time-limit within which every family here had to do so. However, the usual buzz of activities happening everyday had shunned down. People were gathered around downstairs, but they weren’t fighting over water. They were talking in hushed tones, creating a circle in the process.
It was this hushed crowd that Suja found herself a spectator to. She walked down the stairs of her chawl with a large container in her right hand for the water. She came down and stared at the non-existent queue, puzzled.
Her neighbor, who was in the circle suddenly spotted Suja and alerted the others. Their low talk got transformed into a grave silence as she walked towards them. When she reached the outer end of the circle, she saw that her neighbor had tears in her red eyes.
The crowd parted.
Gayathri!
Her soul departed.
There laid a girl frozen in time.
With lips like ice and a face like mine.
A big heart and a charming smile
was all I had now to remember her by.
Her teeth shivered with fear and her body shook in disbelief. Lying on the ground in an angle that defied human existence, Gayathri appeared to be in a deep sleep. Someone hugged her, and in the process took her away from her only child. They hugged her and consoled her. All of them told her not to hold back, to let it all out. But, for Suja, the impact of the situation was yet to sink in. Somebody then suggested she go and wake her husband up immediately.
She closed her eyes in defeat and her mind went down memory lane.
She thought of the magical moment when Gayathri was born, after many wasted attempts. The calm that had enveloped her when she gazed upon a miracle she and Raghu had created. She thought of how fortunate she was to have witnessed little Gayathri’s first step at their old home. How Raghu was there to share the moment with her. She thought of how she had consoled her little one when she suffered her first bicycle fall- wounding her knees rather badly. How her heart had stopped with pure fright for a while when she had witnessed her walking in, hands and legs soaked in blood. She thought of the day Gayathri had come running home with a shiny silver trophy, a grin spread from one end of her happy face to another. She thought of how a little angel had left home for school one day and never returned.
Her blue eyes jerked open, black with rage. She removed herself from the hug of a fellow woman and wiped off her tears. Without a word, she climbed up the stairs. There were cries of anguish that the neighbors heard all of a sudden. These were followed by several denials and more cries. This was followed by three loud sounds. It felt as if metal was being clanged repeatedly.
Worried for Suja and what her drunken husband might be doing to her, the noisy neighbors rushed upstairs. Upon hearing the news, Raghav might have done anything. He was known for the huge fuss he made. He might have lashed out his anger on Suja in any way possible. There was no saying what he’d do when in rage. They were naturally scared. The concerned neighbors entered through Suja’s open door, where they found nobody. It was empty of people. But, it was not empty of sound. Surprisingly, laughter had begun to emanate from the room suddenly.
The nosy neighbors began to retreat in haste with shouts and cries. Suja had come out, with laughter in her mouth and a pan in her hand. The pan was painted red upon black. The ones that remained among the neighbors were terrified. The white of Suja’s teeth contradicted the black rage in her eyes. This created a scary image. The neighbors now had no option but to lock Suja in. She, the bloody pan and whatever she had done to Raghav inside. They were all safe outside. Safe from her laughter and safe from the pain in her eyes.
The moment her shit-scared neighbors locked her in, her laughter had begun to subside. She kept holding onto the pan as if it fed her strength. The first ‘lone drop of tear glided down Suja’s right cheek as she recalled the image of Gayathri lifeless, in her mind. She knew that what she had just done could not bring her sweet angel back, but she had to do it. It was the only way. She closed her eyes. This time, there was no question of defeat in them. It was the only way.
Born in Bombay and brought up in Mumbai, Ushnav has written for Phenomenal Literature, The Free Press Journal, The Hindu, among others. He works full-time with a renowned literary centre in Pune, while self-studying literature on a master’s level and writing short stories in his free time. He is currently working on his first novella.